It’s a sunny day and everyone is happy. We are all gathered by the pool having a lovely braai as we celebrate the summer. The sweet smoke rises as the delicious meat slowly cooks over the fire: we all eagerly wait. Drinks flow as our favourite music plays; the kids jump in and out of the pool while the adults make conversation, form alliances and reinforce deals and ideals. Yes it’s a perfect picture; except that shortly after this scene I could have an episode of melancholy – a deep, dark sadness that comes without explanation.
As a person prone to melancholy, I often wonder where the root of this sadness is lodged. Sometimes it even comes after a successful meeting or event and I begin to berate myself for not being good enough or for being a failure. In those moments, I am not brave and I completely ignore all the good things in my life and just focus on the negative. What is going on? Am I impatient? Am I ungrateful? Have I lost faith?
In my case, these spells last only a few days at most and recently, they’ve become shorter but I still worry about it. What would happen if there was no one around to tell me the truth when these attacks happen? Right before my first live show, I started getting nervous and began feeling like I had made a big mistake and was questioning everything I have worked hard for, but the voices of reason around me allowed a ray of light to pierce through the dark clouds with words like: “No! I will not accept that you are a failure.” “No! I will not let you question what you have built because you are feeling sad and cannot tell your left foot from your right”. “No! Let’s get on with work because we have done some amazing things together”. “No! I will not let you drag me into your pity party”. I couldn’t help but laugh. What happened? Was this harsh brush with love bringing me back to my senses? How do I bottle these words of wisdom for the next time?
In all honesty, I know that it will happen again but this time I feel a little confident that God has used the honesty of people around me to reinforce a song I knew as a child. “Count your blessings, name them one by one. Count your blessings, see what God has done. Count your blessings, name them one by one. And it will surprise you what the Lord has done”.
Till the next time,